Sometime over the last few years my Grandma started to lose the sandwiches in her picnic basket. If you know what I mean.
I love her to no end, my proof being that I’ve lived with her since the end of July and I haven’t lost it and just screamed at her.
Trying to live with my Grandma is like trying to live with a VERY picky newborn baby who is used to being on a schedule. And reacts very badly when that schedule is disrupted.
She wakes up when she feels like it. Sometimes it’s at 7 a.m. sometimes it’s at 10 a.m. If it’s the latter I try not to walk in and make sure she’s breathing.
She gets up, makes coffee and turns on the news. Complains that the coffee doesn’t taste right. And then tells me, yet again, how when she had her galbladder removed 200 years ago, or so it seems, that it made all kinds of food that she liked taste horrible.
The news stays on all morning until about 9 a.m. Then she watches “Family Feud”, “Millionaire”, and “The Price Is Right.” Then it’s more news until 1 p.m. when she watches “The Peoples Court.” Then it’s more news until 7 p.m. when she watches “Family Feud”, again, and “Wheel of Fortune.” Followed by bedtime. Where she reads until about 10 p.m.
Now keep in mind that she does all of this with the t.v. as loud as it will go because otherwise she can’t hear it. And sometimes she still can’t hear it. For example, on “Millionaire” they play “that stupid music when they are giving the answer” so she can’t hear it. “Family Feud” and “Wheel” “the people always have to jump up and down and scream just because they won” and then the host can’t talk. And the news, well, “all they ever talk about is killings, and hurricane relief. And why is California the only ones giving stuff to the hurricane victims? Why don’t any of the other states help out?” So why can’t she hear what’s going on on the news?, because she’s complaining about the news.
This happens EVERY SINGLE DAY. Then she gets upset because she wants to complain to me about the shows she HAS to watch while I’m trying to read a book, or knit. And I kind of tune her out and act like a guy. “Mmm hmm, yep, I know, uh huh, sure, I agree, that’s true” all come out at the appropriate times but it’s not good enough. She wants me to “talk to her.” But I just can’t. Why? Because it’s the same conversation, over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. I agree that the screaming and theme music can be annoying, but I don’t say that I can hear it just fine when she’s not complaining about it when they are trying to give the answers. Hurricane relief?, other states are helping Gram. If we lived in Ohio all we’d hear is about the relief that they’re providing and not about what California has provided.
And let’s not forget “People’s Court” where everyone “makes a fool of themselves on t.v. because they did something stupid and have to go to court. And why can’t they just go to a regular court like everyone else? And see, they always interrupt the Judge when she is trying to talk. Oh, look at the face he/she is making, why do they always have to make faces like that?” Then there is the race card. “Did you know that Sandra Bullock is a Jew? People should stick to their own race. Oh that’s so disgusting, look at her with that BLACK man. You know the bible says that it’s wrong to date someone out of your race.”
And this is where I literally walked out the room. Last week the news was reporting about some dude overseas who was a king or something and he had an affair with a stewardess and she got pregnant. He says he’s going to provide for the little boy, but that he will not change the law to allow his son to be an heir to the throne. My grandma’s response to the whole thing, “What did he think he was doing being with a black woman on the first place?” Nothing about how he should have been a little more careful and used protection, just the “race card.”
Now that I’m done ranting about the t.v. let’s move on to the garbage. Everything must be rinsed, and other than bones all food must go down the garbage disposal. (A few years ago we weren’t allowed to put anything down the garbage disposal, because it might make it stink.) All items must be bagged before putting in the garbage can in the kitchen, like coffee grounds and banana peels, and the kitchen bags must be tied closed properly before putting in the hopper. (A hopper is a large garbage can provided by the city.) All yard waste must be bagged so the inside of the can doesn’t get dirty. And please don’t throw the fast food bags in the can without putting them in a plastic bag first. It makes the garbage can stink. AHHHHHH!!!!! It’s a garbage can, it’s supposed to stink!
Then there’s cleaning the house. The girls must not turn in their seats when we’re eating, because if they touch the chairs they get them all sticky. I have to wash their hands BEFORE they leave the table so they don’t get the walls dirty on the way to the bathroom to wash their hands and face. And as I go to help them wash up she clears the table, then complains that I left the dirty dishes on the table for her to clean up and she just doesn’t have that much energy anymore. The girls leave toys out in the livingroom or the second bedroom/office and I don’t get them picked up immediately, because maybe, I just might have to go to the bathroom first. I don’t always get the bed made as soon as I get up because there is usually still a little body in it. Then when Superchunk gets up I must immediately put a movie in for her to watch so I can walk Rapunzel to the bus stop before Grandma tries to take her ten minutes too early. (It takes us about 59 seconds to walk to the bus stop in the morning.)
Oh, and don’t let me forget the bathroom. I’m supposed to wash the sink and toilet EVERY SINGLE day. And if I take a shower, yeah right like I have time, I’m supposed to dry the walls with my towel when I’m done drying off so that hard water deposits don’t build up on the walls. Then I’m supposed to wash the towels. Did I mention that I’d have to do this every day if I actually got the luxury of a shower?
Plus she doesn’t like dirty laundry because it makes the house stink. And I seem to have an awfully lot of dirty laundry. (Hmm, I wonder why?) And I can use the washer whenever I need to, I don’t need to wait for a large load. But here’s the catch, I can’t stick anything with snaps/buttons, or that makes noise while flopping around, in the drier. Why??? Because the snaps/buttons/overall hooks, might scratch the enamel on the inside of the drier. Ugh.
This is when I get very happy for the weekend when Shawn comes to get us. It means I actually get to shower. By the time he gets there I’m so crabby it’s scary because I haven’t showered since the previous Sunday morning. It’s just absolutely impossible to shower when you have to worry about what your almost three year old could be getting into while you take just a few minutes for yourself.
We really need to get our own place. But Shawn’s Carpal Tunnel Syndrome has gotten worse. So he’s not able to work. And I’m still waiting on the job that I was supposed to start in the beginning of August. It’s now been a whole three months that I’ve been here and I still haven’t started, but that’s another story all together.
